KVIFF 2024: Outstanding Czech Doc ‘I’m Not Everything I Want To Be’
by Alex Billington
July 9, 2024
Another exceptional discovery from the 2024 Karlovy Vary Film Festival – the Czech documentary I’m Not Everything I Want To Be. This film originally premiered at the 2024 Berlin Film Festival earlier in the year, and also played at CPH:DOX, Docs Against Gravity, and IndieLisboa before finally heading to Czechia for its jubilant premiere in its home country at KVIFF. It’s a ravishing, intimate, affecting look at the life of one Czechoslovakian photographer named Libuše Jarcovjáková. If I must describe this film in one simple sentence to explain what it is: I’m Not Everything I Want To Be is an awe-inspiring photographic version of the classic story of how it takes an entire lifetime for an artist to finally be properly recognized. The doc is a look back at Libuše’s life, told entirely through her photographs with her words and her voice recalling every major moment that defined her – from her early days in the Czechoslovak Socialist Republic under Soviet rule, to the Berlin Wall falling & collapse of the Soviet Union and finally freedom for her and everyone else.
Originally titled Jeste nejsem, kým chci být in Czech, I’m Not Everything I Want To Be is directed by Czech filmmaker Klára Tasovská (also of the docs Fortress, Gottland, and Nothing Like Before previously). She expertly enhances this story of Libuše Jarcovjáková by taking her photographs and adding music and sound background to them, as they slowly progress in a slideshow as part of the narrative. The vivid sound design creates an authentic atmosphere, to put is in the exact time and place as Libuše when she was taking all of these photos. As viewers, we can’t forget that when she was snapping all of her shots in the 70s & 80s, there was no way to “check” the shot. She could only see how they turned out weeks or months later after being developed, so everything we’re seeing in this is pretty much a pure, raw “stream of consciousness” collection of photographs depicting her life. There’s even self-portraits and images of her own body taken as part of her expression of her thoughts & mood. So many photos over so many years – it’s mind-boggling how they found all of these, scanned them, organized, and presented them as part of a coherent “here is my life” film.
When I first started watching this doc, honestly I though it might get boring watching nothing but a simple slideshow of photos. But the cinematic design gives it a riveting edge – pretty soon I was completely swept up in her story, especially when she finally escapes Czechoslovakia for the first time in 1979 to fly to Japan to visit a friend. It’s her first visit outside of the country, it’s her first time seeing the ocean or even a beach, and watching her experience all this through the lens of her camera is wonderfully fascinating. I had never seen 1979 Tokyo like this before. The way she turns her lens on all the people around her, showing mundane moments of life: loneliness, happiness, parties, meetings, intimacy, city life, people walking around, eating, drinking, and so on. There is absolutely no question – Libuše is a phenomenal photographer who irrefutably has an eye for details and moments that most of us would never think are photo worthy. Laying out her life in photos in this way makes for a truly eye-opening experience, a powerful examination of one person’s life-long pursuit to find out precisely who they are. Even if there’s no final answer, it’s thoroughly compelling.
It is particularly fascinating how Libuše’s entire artistic life as photographer, leading to her eventual success (and even this film’s existence), are thanks to one Japanese man that she met in 1979 who saw her work, believed in her, and supported her as she kept trying to make a name for herself. It is also awe-inspiring to start to recognize her moods in her photographs, to see how the way she shoots changes depending on her depression or joy at the time, or how she feels attracted to one person or another. This exploration is also improved by the clever sound and music choices building in extra emotion to make it all feel more powerful. The score is awesome – created by Oliver Torr, Prokop Korb, Adam Matej – with groovy synth sounds and dance beats. By the end I was seriously grooving with this film, entranced in its poetic progression of her photos. The same way someone telling you their life story can bring about profound feelings about your own existence, your own choices, your own progress along a winding path to be who you are. Whoever that may be. And it’s an unforgettable experience to meet Libuše & follow her, examining so many photos of her life.
This is always the most immense power of art – being able to offer an empathetic experience, being able to see the world through someone else’s eyes and feel her feelings – both good and bad. Cinema can be more than just scene after scene presented together, it can be a visual montage of imagery that ends up providing an entrancing peek into humanity, a peek into existence and how everyone’s inner world is different from everyone else’s. It is absolutely worth anyone’s time to sit down and dive into the mind and lenses of Libuše in this doc I’m Not Everything I Want To Be. It’ll leave you wondering: are you everything you want to be?
Alex’s KVIFF 2024 Rating: 9 out of 10
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